@TheTweetOfGod: Social media is one of the best things to ever happen to stupidity.
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@tiffstevenson: Boyf said I look really pretty when I'm concentrating...I realised its cos I'm quiet! Either way it's the last time I let him watch me poo
@pinupteacher: *date leans in* Tell me something I don't know about you. *I lean in* I have a french fry in my pocket.
@PopSlapFunk: 5: "Dad, to be the man of the house, you need to wear pants." Me: ... 5: ... Me: "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Job's all yours."
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.