@TheTweetOfGod: Social media is one of the best things to ever happen to stupidity.
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@notacroc: [Arriving late to work] Boss: *looks at watch* fourth day this week Me: also known as Thursday, Jerry
@junejuly12: Can't wait to watch the complex manoeuvres that will follow taking the first bite of a corn dog in the middle.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I've been clicking "remind me later" on this work software update for 2 years when is he going to get the hint that I'm not interested?
@Ideal_Victoria: Fun Fact: If someone’s car alarm keeps going off, you’re legally obligated to set the car on fire.