@Goggner: Social services would take the kids away if they saw my house right now. Does anyone have their phone number?
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@HomeProbably: Instead of just answering the phone when it rings, I prefer to wonder why the hell someone's calling me and glare at it until it goes away.
@Xoolun: Cops: Jay X? Me: Yes. Cops: Your dog has been reported to have chased someone on a bike. Me: Thats bullshit my dog doesnt have a bike.
@fro_vo: ME: *puts on sunglasses* NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: *slaps them off my face* glasses made of the sun would instantaneously melt your head
@GodShammGod9: My great grandma started to giggle at a barbecue and when I asked what's funny she said " everyone here is alive because I got laid ".