@NotJPo: Sodomy? SodoYOU. JK, please sodomy.
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@rockymomax: CLERK: $3.74 ME: *reaches in pocket & pulls out whole ham* sorry I have cash *reaches back in & pulls out 2nd ham* well this is embarrassing
@NotYourSoulmate: Some lady brought a gaggle of pre-teens to the movie, sat them down next to us & then sat elsewhere. I sold them all on the black market.
@Gooooats: If you ask me to hold a bag of any kind of candy, all the red ones will be gone before you get it back.
@ericsshadow: [my wife and I watch a drunk white girl fall out of a cab] I've never drank that much.... [wife looks at me in disgust] ugh, ok I have.