@Robski_Boy: Sold my wife on ebay. Dreading the buyer feedback.
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@sara_ashlynn: My mom called and gave me the weekly weather report. I can't wait to do this to my kids.
@matt_simpson84: The best thing about Facebook is learning about all the 19-year-olds that miss the 80s.
@shanethevein: Saw a grown man riding down the street on a BMX. I yelled what does BMX stand for? He replied "DUI".
@carlyken: I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of ending up in a nursing home with a roommate who has Justin Bieber posters and Twilight shirts.