@1Happytwit: Some bloke on FB called me a clown. Now I've got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that's what clowns do.
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@boring_as_heck: Shit. Damn it. A bumper sticker just changed my entire worldview, again. This happens like 3 times a day.
@KeetPotato: "dont get conned into spendin our lottery money" i wont [calls wife back] will 2 sharks fit in our pool? "NO" ok [to salesman] one shark pls
@hipstermermaid: I got 99 problems and they're all friend requests from people I didn't like in high school.
@Carbosly: I hope zombies will come from Mexico. After eating their way through fat Americans, they'll be like "Sorry little Canadians. We're full."