@Harbinger_one: Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
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@ryangriffiths: People that say "The worst kind of cut is a paper cut" probably haven't been stabbed in the face before.
@toastymoe: Me, at food counter: Those bacon burger sliders look delicious, 3 please . Her: Sir, those are calves and piglets & this is a petting zoo!
@TheToddWilliams: ME: Is it true you can smell diseases? MY DOG: Yes ME: Well do I have any? MY DOG: Yes, you're insane ME: Wow you can smell that? MY DOG: No
@jwoodham: The year is 2087. Selfies are the new currency now and that annoying girl you went to high school with is the richest person in the world.