@CWKhalil: Some cats just sit there looking at you like you owe them money.
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@LeahsLounge: Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I drink some beer. I call this the Heineken maneuver.
@LADaddy: The person who came up with "happily ever after" probably didn't realize humans would live longer than 34 years.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [at a store] Me: What can you tell me about those sunglasses? *sunglasses loudly arguing about politics* Clerk: Well, they're polarized
@dawny716: Damn girl, are you alcohol? Because I've had too much of you and I'm going to throw up.