@CWKhalil: Some cats just sit there looking at you like you owe them money.
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@DamienFahey: Just used the holiday card with your kid's face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
@suntzufuntzu: YELLOW HIPPO: (whispering to red hippo) I'm not your enemy. Marble scarcity is a myth spread by humans to turn us against each other.
@EliseRose5: When someone says, "Good luck with that'' they actually mean "Let me grab some popcorn so I can watch you fail."
@QwertyJones3: Dentist: Ok, I'm going to start drilling. "Wait! What if I have to poop?" D: Then you should go now. *awkward pause* "Thanks I feel better."