@ramblinma: Some days having kids makes it all worthwhile. I haven't experienced any yet, but statistically they're bound to happen at some point.
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@trevso_electric: Talking about your ex makes it sound like you're not over them. Hide their body and move on like a normal person.
@retardedwriter: Old age is nothing but a computer with 1000 GB of memory running on a celeron processor
@hurlarious: I like to leave my gas cap hanging off when I'm on a date so when people start honking and waving I can wave back like I'm famous
@XplodingUnicorn: I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.