@ramblinma: Some days having kids makes it all worthwhile. I haven't experienced any yet, but statistically they're bound to happen at some point.
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@Tommytoughstuff: [Olympic Swimming] CANADIAN ANNOUNCER: I feel bad for the water look how hard they're kicking it.
@Cheeseboy22: My wife got home and was mad when she saw I fed my son cake, banana, popcorn and M&M's for dinner. I was like, "You saw the banana, right?"
@WhiteKid4Sale: Why do people say raw sewage. Saying raw makes it sound like it becomes better if cooked properly.
@UncleDuke1969: Date: "You're very tall! Do you play basketball?" Me: "You're very fat. Are you a sumo wrestler?"