@samalmightysam: Some days you're just really stupid. 365 to be exact.
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@MUMSIEesq: Anytime I pass an unlocked minivan I throw a few of my kids' most annoying toys in the trunk.
@koala_hugs: a gymnast walks into a bar. she is immediately given a 0.0 and disqualified from Olympic trials. you're supposed to jump OVER the bar, idiot
@batkaren: Whenever I see WHOA spelled as WOAH, I assume it's referring to Noah's evil twin whose Ark housed all the insect and arachnid life.