@jwoodham: Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg, and some days you're the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [crumpled up paper on floor] *tries to flip it up like hacky sack* *tries to flip it up...* *tries to flip...* *tries...* *leaves it*
@danfishbach: Give a man a fish and chances are you won't be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
@mrjohndarby: Father in law: How are you preparing for the future? Me: I buy Monopoly games in case one day Monopoly money becomes legal tender.