@TheDreamGhoul: some dogs can find bodies that have been buried for years & mine can't even find a cracker that hit him in the face on the way to the floor
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@jonnysun: its always terifying when im alone in my apartment and i hear a small child's voice say "hello" becuase i dread making smalltalk
@harrows_: God said, "Thou shall not kill" And then he wiped out the entire human race with a global flood just because people didn't take it seriously
@better_off_dad: 16: 'We should put a flat screen on the wall!' Wife: 'I really don't like mounting things.' Me: *mumbles 'No shit.' W: 'What was that??'