@crushingbort: Some dude just ran into Starbucks, grabbed coconut water yelling "white people milk" and left. Went outside, coconut water all over street
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@NoogsCorner: That awkward moment when Batman opens the condom compartment instead of the Batarang compartment in his utility belt.
@kellyoxford: Cyclists who don't obey street signs should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt.
@LizHackett: I just want to be wealthy enough to leave notes for the house-sitter like "If the puma seems restless, let him splash in the Jacuzzi a bit."
@shkeeber: My bank has informed me that Twitter followers can not be used as collateral for a car loan. You guys are useless.