@BruceForce: Some dude told me he's had 100 times more girls than me which made me laugh so much because 100 x 0 is still 0.
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@nbadag: DATE: so...this is your place? ME: yea...not fancy but it suits me. *opens flap of bouncy house* oh, also do you mind taking off your shoes
@iluvyogacats: Me: *enters exam room Doctor: Please take off your... M: *unbuttons pants D: ?? M: *pauses* D: GLASSES! D: I'M AN EYE DR DAMNIT!
@lyric_intent: It doesn't matter how up-to-date your donor card is, the hospital gets really judgey when you drop off a liver unannounced.
@Izianikapani: Him:When do you get off? Me: Usually once you go to sleep Him: Me: Him: Me: Oh you mean work? 6 o'clock Hun, see you then.