@_SingleBabyMama: Some girls look like they've barely broken a sweat after hot yoga while I look like a tomato that's been doused by a fire hose.
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@TribalSpaceCat: Me: Do you have any wrongdog? "Ugh fine what's wrongdog" Me: thank you so much for asking I'm doing terrible
@DirtMcTurd: For years I thought the ghost in my house was trying to scare me, turns out he was just booing my awful jokes
@Book_Krazy: Whenever I seductively unbutton my pants, I always maintain full eye contact with the waiter so he knows I want more table bread.