@_SingleBabyMama: Some girls look like they've barely broken a sweat after hot yoga while I look like a tomato that's been doused by a fire hose.
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@Shingaboop: Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don't make enough money to have a drug habit.
@Vodkantots: Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: Do these jeans make me look fat? Cop: You're free to go.
@Book_Krazy: A fun way to make someone self conscious, is to put a nose hair trimmer in their grocery cart while maintaing full eye contact with them.