@Sassafrantz: Some guy just asked if I was Asian cuz he's China get in my pants. Hope your day is as magical as mine.
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@ShortWhiteNUgly: Me: I found a job! Mom: That's great! What is it? Me: debt collection! Mom:.... Me..... Mom:... Me: I think you know why I'm calling.
@KyleMcDowell86: [going thru airport security] "Please turn your laptop on" *I start to stroke it's audio input* "That's not what I-' Me: No no it likes this
@furrrizzle: Dear diary, My date got really excited when I said I wanted to cook for him. Apparently Meth wasn't what he expected. Dating is bull shit