@decentbirthday: Some lady just wrong-number texted me so I tried being funny but I think I scared her off from going to brunch
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@kumailn: Just ate a glazed donut flavored protein bar. It tasted like someone describing a donut to me while I shove sawdust into my mouth.
@SexytotheNorth: [First date] Me: What do you prefer, flat or sparkling? Him: Water? Me: No, my personality.