@decentbirthday: Some lady just wrong-number texted me so I tried being funny but I think I scared her off from going to brunch
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@ValeeGrrl: Capture a raccoon & an octopus. Sit them on the couch. Give them snacks. Sit between them. Turn on the TV. Now you're ready to have kids.
@Parkerlawyer: 7 brought me breakfast in bed, which in theory was super sweet, except in reality it was a poptart at 4am.
@maisondecris: HIM: promise you won’t tell anyone? ME: yeah! [under my breath] except my best friend HIM: what? ME: nothing! [whispering] there is a hierarchy of loyalty and your position on that hierarchy is low HIM: what did you say? ME: that ur secret’s safe with me :)