@DaddyJew: Some music just moves you. For example this Taylor Swift song playing on the radio makes me wanna drive off a cliff
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@EndhooS: Where are you going? "Ice fishing" You know you can just buy ice at the store right? "No I mean th..." Or just freeze some water even...
@KentWGraham: I’m starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats.
@POOPSCRUFFIN4U: [first date] DATE: I think cat people are psychopaths ME: *slowly pushes date's coffee off table*