@Douchekevin: Some of the nicest women you'll meet on Twitter are men.
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: my greatest strength is giving people clever nicknames. QUESTION ASKER MAN: and how is this a skill that will help you here?
@joe_binkley: Things that are loud: Jet engines Dynamite Opening a bag of Sun Chips at a funeral Rock concerts
@Brampersandon_: [zoo] Hey dad, where are mountain lions from? *dad panics* -Uhh...you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much...
@Terdoh: If aliens are only on the quest for intelligent life, then Earth really has nothing to worry about.