@Douchekevin: Some of the nicest women you'll meet on Twitter are men.
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@natedog2049: Serial killers start their day by eating breakfast at McDonalds. Let me rephrase. They arent serial killers until they order & have to wait.
@emmatheist: Before I die, I'm putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames. My grand children will be so pwned.
@badtweetist: *travels back in time to kill Hitler as a baby* *becomes known as time-traveling baby murderer & history's greatest monster*