@Douchekevin: Some of the nicest women you'll meet on Twitter are men.
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@MrEd_EVH: Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining because of the cold. I'm whining because I have to wear a entire load of laundry to stay warm
@DrCephalopod: Son: I want a LEGO Millennium Falcon for Christmas Me: *checking price online* would you settle for the actual Millennium Falcon?
@sixfootcandy: Me: I’ll do anything to get healthy this year. Doctor: Are you willing to cut down on sugar, bread, and alcohol? Me: Let’s revisit this again next year.