@Parentpains: Some of you change your avi like I change my underwear. Every three days.
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@salamingia: I feel bad for airport security workers. I'm going to make their job easier today by not wearing underwear.
@jonnysun: JESUS: today im going to walk on water JUDAS: NO DONT-- [jesus walks onto ocean. entire ocean turns to wine. all ocean life dies instamtly]
@Fingers_of_Fury: Someone tweets "pizza," I want pizza. Someone tweets "donut," I want a donut. Someone tweets "kale," I want pizza and a donut.
@cheeky__gal: A poltergeist was moving furniture around the house, and I really love what he's done with the place.