@That_Damn_Duck: Some of you should not be allowed to procreate and if you have to google what procreate means, then I’m talking about you in particular.
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@li4mst3w4rt: me: it's too hot *opens window* *in comes 305430 flies, 43866 spiders, 91193 moths, a serial killer, a paedophile and a burglar* (HELP)
@lionprincessval: I can't come into work today *cough* I'm really sick. "Do I hear Mario Kart in the background?" *hangs up*
@dru0887: When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and immediately break down crying
@thegreatnanak: I was walking on the beach with my gf until my drugs wore off and I realised that I was dragging around a stolen mannequin.