@Jesssicle: Some of you take selfies from so close up, I'm beginning to wonder if you're a T-Rex.
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@TomTheWicked: *puts kid in tub* *checks twitter* *forgets about kid* *tweets* *remembers kid* *finds kid-shaped prune floating in tub*
@PyrBliss: McDonalds wants you to tell your family you love them because if you keep eating McDonalds it won't be long before you're dead.
@Dani_Feld: Relationship status: I just found a piece of chicken in my hair. I ate it. Then looked for more.