@Jesssicle: Some of you take selfies from so close up, I'm beginning to wonder if you're a T-Rex.
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@singwithTaffy: Please, by all means, call my landline. I'll reply with a postcard attached to a helium balloon
@GrantTanaka: [calls home] son: hello me: hi, put mom on the phone son: I can't me: why son: she's too heavy
@fillthevacuum: Someone gave me a star as a gift. I'm planning on sprucing it up with some planets and asteroids and using it as a summer vacation spot.
@Mr_Kapowski: [gym] Trainer: You here to get cut? Me: Uhh no, I'm already circumcised and if that's covered under my membership, I want a reduced bill