@Leemanish: Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It's just part of being an extremely bad chiropractor.
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@Chumpstring: COP: step outta the car ME: k COP: got any drugs on u ME: nah COP: how about the car ME: wouldn't surprise me. it's been acting funny lately
@2tickytacky: I walked briskly to the nearest safe haven as I was being chased by the hood on my jacket.
@Reverend_Scott: [1st day as police officer] PARTNER: THAT CAR FLEW BY DOING 126 MPH! LET'S ROLL! ME: Um, ok, but I literally JUST got this ice cream cone.