@crunchenhancer: Some people age like wine, others age like milk.
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@simoncholland: I feel like HGTV is creating some false expectations for the attractiveness of the contractor you hire for home renovations.
@rose24_em: He whispered in my ear that he liked being called daddy. I whispered back that I liked being called a cab.
@MableGertrude: Judging people on Twitter is equivalent to an alcoholic showing up to an AA meeting and making fun of all the other drunks.
@P1ssed_K1d: You know what a cubicle basically says? It says 'We don't think you're smart enough for an office,but we don't want you to look at anybody.'