@crunchenhancer: Some people age like wine, others age like milk.
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@hstweetheart: Ariel: "But I love him, daddy!" *sobs as King Tritan rips her iPhone away and unfollows PrinceEric69*
@PaperWash: [mugger trying to snatch Elsa's purse] Elsa: HEY LET IT GO! Mugger: OMG sing the rest
@living_marble: Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is a weird insult to lob on Twitter. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have wifi & data plans.
@BDGarp: I’m sitting next to a beautiful woman at a bar so now it’s only a matter of time before nothing happens.