@RamblingMachine: Some people are down to earth while others are not quite far down enough.
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@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend said she wants a fairy-tale life. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.
@CatherineLMK: How come when someone says “we need to talk” it’s never about ice cream or Star Wars?
@meganamram: If you count a little kid on another kid's shoulders under a trench coat as two people, then I have had TWO boyfriends
@david8hughes: [first day working at the pizzeria] Me [cheeks full like a hamster]: boss, we've run out of everything