@TheAlexP: Some people are like 5yr olds, they shake heads in agreement, but you KNOW by the look in their eyes, they have no clue what you just said.
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@JohnHilsen: Was out on the golf course and shot an eagle at Hole 9. Mom doesn't believe me, but wait till she sees the eagle.
@dlockw21: Being a parent is great because you get to start conversations like: Hey buddy, don't leave your tooth on the coffee table.
@SveldtSmelt: Talking to women is a lot like origami. I don't know where to start and I always end up screaming.
@iwearaonesie: *power goes out* wife: Great, I just bought ice cream me [already eating it] I'm on it