@samalmightysam: Some people are like water balloons; they're more fun when you throw them out the window.
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@TheToddWilliams: [boxing match] ANNOUNCER: ...and the challenger weighing 8lbs 7oz, Billy "The Baby" Sanchez CHAMP: That's a real baby TRAINER: You got this
@Jarhead44: If you ever wondered how long it takes for an over-heated microwave burrito to cool off, the answer is 37 days.
@AimeeHelene1: CW: What's for lunch; smells good! Me: Well I made lasagna last night but lost a fingernail in it & haven't found it yet. CW: Me: *smirks*