@samalmightysam: Some people are like water balloons; they're more fun when you throw them out the window.
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@ImAlexOliver: Just installed an egg cannon on the hood of my car. Flipping people off and cursing at them just doesn't satisfy me anymore.
@EndhooS: I invited Alan over for dinner. "Alan Jacobs? Or Alan who thinks he's Captain America?" *a badly painted bin lid smashes through the window*
@Book_Krazy: "Whoa nice car" Thanks. I dropped 40K on a new set of wheels [whispers to friend] "What kind of idiot spends $40,000 on tires"
@TheMichaelRock: Bad news: I just stepped on the cat. Even worse news: I think I just created a Nicki Minaj song.