@Papa_Mex: Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don't realize how bad it is for their health.....until I'm choking them
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bridger_w: I know blood in horror movies is just corn syrup, but it's still terrifying because at this point, that's basically all my blood is
@BuckyIsotope: *visits new girlfriend's house for 1st time* "Make yourself at home" Great. Thanks! *I crawl into the closet and begin sobbing loudly*
@riscfuture: Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of “Smith” and “Baker,” we had “Frontenddeveloper” and “Socialmediaconsultant.”
@bidenandobama: Biden: Think about it like an investment opportunity. Obama: I'm not buying you an above ground pool, Joe.