@fillthevacuum: Some people around here retweet like it's coming out of their booze allowance.
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@dulcetry: One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said "friggity diggity" please do not rt
@TommyKarate: Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I'm stuck in my restroom forever.
@jewfacekilla: "Wow you're one of the nicest old ladies I've ever met!"- me, loudly to a random old lady so my mom can hear