@fillthevacuum: Some people around here retweet like it's coming out of their booze allowance.
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@cervixsmash: Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family
@Sickayduh: [First date] "Ok. Don't let her know you're just 40 squirrels in human clothes" "You said that out loud"
@krissywillbretz: Searched my teens room for drugs, was told "you don't give me enough money for drugs." I don't know whether to be proud or up his allowance.