@fillthevacuum: Some people around here retweet like it's coming out of their booze allowance.
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@ohpegah: [playing with a Ouija board with my dog] Board: B A L L Me: I know that's you moving it! Stop! Board: T R E A T S
@inoj41: Kissing 101: 1. Open your mouth 2. Wider, that's it. 3. Stick out your tongue 4. Then walk towards her and pray she doesn't run away.