@BarebakAssassin: Some people don't realize how grateful they should be that I'm not allowed to carry a sword in public.
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@joejwest: COP: Give back the money you stole ME: Already spent it COP: On what? ME: Karate lessons which [does vague swishes w/ hand] I did not attend
@TheTweetOfGod: Journalists love covering Lindsay Lohan because what she is to actresses, they are to professions.
@WheelTod: Sure Charlie got himself a Chocolate Factory, but his grandparents got to stay in bed for 20 years so ask yourself who were the real winners