@SergioValenCo: Some people follow their dreams, I follow lunatics on the internet.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: Legal tip for men: if you get a free t shirt at a bar, you're not required to keep it forever, like they can't arrest you if u throw it out.
@1followernodad: [at a bar] *creepy dude is hitting on me* Me: you wanna get outta here? Him: yeah Me: cool. I would love it if you left.
@iamburtjarvis: [radioshack meeting] employee: sir, overall sales are really low. CEO: when did we start selling overalls, bro?