@juicymorsel: Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
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@hellohappy_time: [me when I see a dog walking alone without a leash] exactly who is representing you my lad
@david8hughes: [interrogation] What were u doing last nite? I was killin my neighbour, Bert. Louder for the tape? [leans in] Fillin in paperwork. Busy guy.
@gruffybeard: Her: Why is every chocolate in the box half eaten? [Flashback to me biting every piece to find one I like] Me: We have a rat problem.
@KentWGraham: I accepted the Microsoft terms and conditions without reading them, and apparently I’m now responsible for hemming all of Bill Gates’ pants.