@BackrowSeats: Some people might find a grown man talking to himself strange, & it's probably the couple sitting next to me.
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@Mr_Kapowski: [Grandma's funeral] GIRL: *crying* BOY: Bae, I know what will make you feel better *opens casket to reveal PROM? spelled in carnations*
@liv_thatsme: If I get nervous for a date, I just imagine the guy in his underpants, sitting on my couch for the next 40 years, & suddenly I'm annoyed
@eXentRic_: Holy Communion: PRIEST:"This is the body of Christ. Take it " ME:"Uum,can I instagram it first?" *We laughed & then I was excommunicated*
@SnackMomSyndrom: If something happened to me today, my legacy would be how much my kids say "like"