@BackrowSeats: Some people might find a grown man talking to himself strange, & it's probably the couple sitting next to me.
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@ilikeyouguys: You can buy wedding cake even if there's no wedding, those suckers don't even check
@ohthatbadger: Don't forget to wear your best clothes to church because Jesus was all about one-upping your neighbour with fancier duds.
@EndhooS: Wife: He's just so literal all of the time, he gets so confused Psychiatrist: Is this true? Me: [worried] Are u really gonna make me shrink?
@Fickle_Filly: The Five Stages of Christmas Shopping Grief: - denial - anger - strong language - moderate violence - a lifetime ban from Toys R Us