@SevSnapeProf: Some people need a sympathetic pat on the head... with a hammer.
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@Book_Krazy: Couple: [hands me camera] Do you mind taking a picture? "Sure"[click] Couple: How does it look? "I just got my hair done, so pretty good"
@mattZillaaaa: *lays in bed for 12 hours I guess I'll get up now *walks over to couch & lays down
@koalaslament: [on a date] *showing her pics of my pet lizards* ME: "and I named this one Queen Elizardbeth" HER: "I must have sex with you immediately"