@SevSnapeProf: Some people need a sympathetic pat on the head... with a hammer.
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@RhinoUR: Buys valentine. Writes "I love you" inside. Mails card to self. Receives card in mail. Reads card. "Eww, why do I attract losers?"
@shkeeber: I'm not drunk. I'm a gravity inspector... ...and everything seems to be in order here. *falls down/passes out*
@Flattliner: Whoever said that blood is thicker than water is plainly a) Fond of stating the obvious, and b) Not a member of my family.