@SevSnapeProf: Some people need a sympathetic pat on the head... with a hammer.
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@Tmoney68: I've GOT to get a life stenographer. It'd be great to say, "Betty, read back last night so I can see why I put a skillet on my nightstand."
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Can I borrow a dollar? Me: You don't have a job. How will you pay me back? 5: Me: 5: I'll borrow another dollar.
@Overdue_Bills: She was like "wrong hole", so I said "adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma", long story short I'm still single.