@jwoodham: Some people say America is obese, but I blame our flag. Everyone knows that horizontal stripes make you look fatter.
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@SarcasticAlly12: When a kid wants to snuggle it means you're about to get warmth in your heart and an elbow to every single one of your other organs.
@michaelajeffery: ME: Why does my stomach hurt? WebMD: Because of that Ouija board you messed with in the fourth grade, probably.