@jwoodham: Some people say America is obese, but I blame our flag. Everyone knows that horizontal stripes make you look fatter.
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@Coops_Bradley: I'm still not a member of Jem and the Holograms and that is truly truly truly outrageous.
@ItsAndyRyan: "Everyone has at least one novel inside them" – Baffled airport security rectal examiner at the end of a long, confusing shift
@iwearaonesie: Hell hath no fury like a woman who doesn't remember asking you to wake her up from a nap