@jwoodham: Some people say America is obese, but I blame our flag. Everyone knows that horizontal stripes make you look fatter.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@lilgapeach30: I dance in my car, unashamed, in hopes of one day driving beside somebody as fun as me and sparking a dance off.
@Quartzjixler: I am so proud to be part of a society that needs television commercials to remind us not to lock our kids in hot cars.
@dafloydsta: Little Red Riding Hood is my favorite story about an idiot who can't tell the difference between a human and a wolf.
@That_Damn_Duck: How I wear a scarf: 1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder 2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it. 3. Repeat