@toastymoe: Some people should be forced to carry a plant around with them, to replace the oxygen they waste.
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@michaelianblack: Now that my kids are getting older, I'm worried I'll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
@causticbob: Someone broke into my house last night and left a note saying they'd broken one of my keyboard keys. I onder hich one.
@Bagyants: Student loans: because you should know what it's like to be one of the poor people you're always going on about
@Book_Krazy: Couple: [hands me camera] Do you mind taking a picture? "Sure"[click] Couple: How does it look? "I just got my hair done, so pretty good"