@toastymoe: Some people should be forced to carry a plant around with them, to replace the oxygen they waste.
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@daemonic3: "Ok, what shall we call these skewers of food?" STEVE: How about a Kasteve? BOB: I have a better idea
@TheCiscoKidder: Fight Club, but instead of blowing up all the financial institutions, they reset all twitter follower counts back to zero.
@notacroc: Therapist: what's upsetting you? Wife: he's always using common phrases incorrectly Me: cry me a table, Linda
@MissAnneBlondie: Coffee so strong, you finish the "to do" list, that you haven't even written yet.