@toastymoe: Some people should be forced to carry a plant around with them, to replace the oxygen they waste.
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@iAmDelFreaky: I set up a life size mousetrap in my front yard, but instead of cheese as bait, I used a fedora. Death toll: 17 hipsters and a curious cat.
@lovemydogduck: Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger & I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner.
@ladybroseph: Beyonce is a great actress because there is no way she has the time or energy to have the kind of sex she sings about.