@mattZillaaaa: Some people wake up in the morning & are all like "omg I'm the luckiest person in the world" and I wake up all like "oh my god"
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@Book_Krazy: [quietly] "Always a bridesmaid never the bride" BRIDE: Hey, you're not one of my bridesmaids! "Shhh...this day is about you, not me."
@Kimpulses: I've been reading your Oscar tweets, and America should not vote on things as a general rule going forward.
@zachreinert03: I got fired from being the events coordinator at the local orphanage. I think it's cause family day never really took off