@MadlyAmanda: Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
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@thatUPSdude: How is "Shark spotted swimming off the coast" news worthy? Now if a shark was seen walking off the coast that's different.
@Molly_Kats: YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer--I don't have any.
@amyjcordova: Bartender: What can I get you, gorgeous? Me: The blood of all my enemies. Bartender: Me: Bartender: Me: Miller Light
@ibid78: Pouring water on someone's head to promote something is kinda weird. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's go baptize some babies.