@MadlyAmanda: Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
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@JohnLyonTweets: C'mon, when have I ever let you down? That was rhetorical, actually. Yes, that is a lot. Wow, did not expect you to bring out a chalkboard.
@theshantilly: 7: We should probably sell our pets before they get old and die. I guess I know which of my kids is NOT getting power of attorney.
@jonnysun: if somone acidentaly walks in while ur in the bathroom, do not react at all. this avoids embarasment & makes them wonder if they are a ghost
@Brianhopecomedy: If I close my eyes while my 3 year old pours her cereal I can hear the relaxing sound of thousands of Cheerios raining on the floor.