@ruinedpicnic: some people want to be buried when they die. others want to be cremated. personally, I think I would like to be brought back to life
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@msmegmensa: If burglars broke into my apt, they'd look around, shake their heads and leave me some cash with a note that says 'get yourself some shit!'
@nicfit75: Since getting the new iPhone with fingerprint unlock technology I've never worried so much about losing my thumb.
@KyleMcDowell86: My mom told me not to cry wolf, but it was too late.Wolves were pouring out of my tear ducts, filling the kitchen and adjoining living room.
@samfromks: *Holds centipede up to your cheek as you're sleeping and whispers* Hey baby, the restraining order said a hundred feet...