@ruinedpicnic: some people want to be buried when they die. others want to be cremated. personally, I think I would like to be brought back to life
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@WineMummy: Sorry I had sex with your hot gardener, but in my defense, you did say that I needed Jesus in me.
@johnnyw1981: As I lay my phone down to sleep, I pray my brain won't think of tweets. If I die before I wake, I pray and hope my phone to break.
@daemonic3: INTERVIEWER: Do you have any hidden talents? ME: I taught myself how to play piano INTERVIEWER: By ear? ME: No, just with my hands