@WheelTod: Some people will put ketchup on anything: one time I found a first edition of Wuthering Heights in my dad's attic & I just couldn't resist.
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@2friedroomies: Hello this is ur pilot speaking We almost began our descent but my copilot said "turn down for what" so looks like we r rerouting to Cancun
@Tmoney68: This baby at McDonalds may have started the screaming competition, but I guarantee I'm going to win it.
@PajamaBen_: *cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you
@Sohail__300: Everyone talks about finding the one that makes their heart skip a beat. Personally I'm not looking to develop a heart problem