@PieChord: Some people won't try bacon for religious reasons. I won't try religion for bacon reasons.
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@Twtercide: Mom life be like “Don’t beat your sister with that corndog!” “Toothpaste is NOT spicy!” “Why is there a pillow in the bathtub?”
@robdelaney: My niece just said "Birds live in a birdhouse & we live in a people house!" Cute, huh? Wrong; my niece is 26 & on trial for manslaughter.
@truegritrumble: MOM: Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. ME: I'd like to see them TRY *slowly pulls katana from beneath pillow*