@JohnHilsen: Some say cheetahs are the fastest animal at 60 mph. Not true. Dogs have been clocked at 18,000 mph when the Soviets launched one into space.
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@KeetPotato: me: [breaks long awkward silence] "so what do you do for a living?" taxi driver: [just looks at me]
@karencheee: Marrying my gay friend bc it's important for couples to have common interests and we are both interested in men!
@shutupmikeginn: "Oh, you're left handed?" - people who see me writing with my left hand, curious if I'm just doing it for show
@One_FineMess: Just did a spot on imitation of a new born calf while trying to gracefully exit a hammock.