@JohnHilsen: Some say cheetahs are the fastest animal at 60 mph. Not true. Dogs have been clocked at 18,000 mph when the Soviets launched one into space.
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@ilovepie84: I bet when David Hasselhoff gets too drunk he roams the streets screaming "KITT!" When he can't find his car.
@GaryJanetti: I just found out five people I went to high school with are dead. What's taking the rest of them so long?
@SondraDeeMe: [party] ME: I'm uncomfortable BF: Just mingle ME: Do I introduce myself? BF: We're at your family reunion
@iwearaonesie: me[holding wife's shirt] Can this go in the dryer? wife:What does it say on the tag? me:Gap wife:The other tag me:Oh wife me:Made in Vietnam