@yaboydil: Some say global warming is caused by an increase in greenhouse gases, but I know that's a cover up for the truth: too many hot local singles
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@malt_skull: [Spider-Man shows up at my house] *I carefully scoop him up on a piece of paper and release him outside my door*
@TrueTorontoGirl: Employee: Everything I eat goes right through me. Me: Yup, that's how digestion works.
@fro_vo: [interview] So your resume says you used to be in the theater yes that is correct What made you leave it? well, the movie ended so
@KentWGraham: A woman saying "I'm not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won’t feel a thing."