@yaboydil: Some say global warming is caused by an increase in greenhouse gases, but I know that's a cover up for the truth: too many hot local singles
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@kcmoore51: Does everyone have that ONE follower who will Fav the hell outta every RT...but wouldn't even piss on your own tweets if they were on fire?
@FattMernandez: Joel Osteen wouldn't open his megachurch to flood victims. Let's not jump to conclusions. Maybe he has two of every kind of animal in there.
@AnOrangeSNES: "You killed a dude I hate your attitude That's why you're going to jail, Without bail 25 to life Bubba is your new wife." -Poetic Justice
@XplodingUnicorn: [hardware store] Me: Let me do the talking. This is man stuff Wife: Fine Clerk: Can I help you? Me: I need a whacker thingy to hit nails