@Bownuggets: Some say I've "gone off the rails," or "left the reservation," or "screwed the pooch," or "mixed my metaphors," or "launched the hot dog"
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@MicheleAKALips: I suspected my marriage was in trouble when I'd meet my husband for dinner then we would both race home to make out with the babysitter.
@Birdhumms: Was invited into a group DM called procrastinators, it's been two weeks I'm still waiting to be added.... *my kind of people
@ramjitsingh_: It's bad when you accidentally tell a 9 year-old child, "Stay in drugs, don't do school" in a serious tone.
@ericsshadow: My wife ordered a pizza from Papa John's but I saved a step by throwing up before it got here.