@reinert03: Somebody left a baby at my front door today, and I have no idea what to do with it. I just hope it's gone by tomorrow.
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@comer310: Bro: *on phone* Babe. Babe. Babe. Babe. BABE! Dude: You're so whipped. Bro: What? I just got her to rent Babe instead of The Notebook.
@AmishPornStar1: Rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
@hpb777: Sometimes I wonder how people who don't have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.