@reinert03: Somebody left a baby at my front door today, and I have no idea what to do with it. I just hope it's gone by tomorrow.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I’ve finally adjusted to daylight savings time WIFE: really ME: really WIFE: *takes cat out of fridge* ME: *stops petting the milk*
@revenge_tanukis: It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
@ElleOhHell: UNCLE: Officers weren't even safe from their own men in Vietnam. ME: I've just decided it's too hard to zoom in on any more dogs' noses.