@drhappyknuckles: Somebody once told me in the middle of a huge machine gun battle that I always emphasize the boring parts of anecdotes, which made me sad.
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@PaperWash: Remember kids, those light up sneakers won't seem so cool when wolves are chasing you through the woods at night.
@_ElvishPresley_: ME: if you're really a psychic then how many bagel bites do I have in my pockets PSYCHIATRIST: I said I was a psychiat-- ME: nope 67
@joejwest: "murder" she wrote "your password must contain at least one number and one upper case letter" the screen said "murd3R" she wrote, frowning