@drhappyknuckles: Somebody once told me in the middle of a huge machine gun battle that I always emphasize the boring parts of anecdotes, which made me sad.
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@djdarrellripley: Me: Pfft.. There is scientific evidence that a woman's brain is lighter than a man's. Her: Perhaps because it gets more exercise.
@NYC_Blonde: Me: The salad with chicken, cheese and can you put it between slices of bread? Waiter: So a sandwich? Me: I'd prefer if we called it a salad
@EndhooS: [Meeting friends baby] Me: [bouncing him on my knee] he's a big boy isn't he Friend: yeah he was 11 pounds Me: wow that's cheap