@drhappyknuckles: Somebody once told me in the middle of a huge machine gun battle that I always emphasize the boring parts of anecdotes, which made me sad.
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@daemonic3: [spelling bee] JUDGE: Your word is walk "Walk. W-A-L-K. Walk" JUDGE: [pulls off mask to reveal he is a dog] I KNEW IT! *glares at owner*
@xLiserx: Me: Why doesn't he love me? Nachos: Eat more of me and find out! Me: *Chewing* So? Nachos: We need outside counsel. Send pizza down here.