@kwirkyKerri: Somebody parked in my spot and now I'm in the market for a rocket launcher.
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@Reverend_Scott: Dinosaur 911: what's ur emergency Dinosaur: A FIREBALL IN THE SKY IS FLYIN AT US Dinosaur 911: is it the sun Dinosaur: haha probably. bye
@GrantTanaka: son: hey dad me: [picks up phone, dials 9] yes son: now don’t get mad me: [dials 1] ok son: do we have a fire extinguisher me: [dials 1]
@Mr_Kapowski: Wife: How was your day? Me: *kicks ball, ball rolls and tips water bottle into glass, weight of full glass releases ziplining GI Joe to push marble, marble rolls off weight tying balloon down to unveil banner reading “I ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING TODAY”*
@tastefactory: "YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER" - salt