@michaelianblack: Somebody PLEASE come to my house and plug the power cord into my laptop.
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@Deurb1: Six inches of snow predicted tonight: Is that twitter 6" | | Subway 6" | | Real life 6" | | Or Dan 6" | | Cheesecake
@Parkerlawyer: My internet has been out for 24 hours and now my kids are moving out. That was easy.
@TheAlexNevil: My German girlfriend said she wants me to eat her Kürbiskuchen. I was aroused. I found out it means pumpkin pie. Now I'm more aroused.
@Marlebean: I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine's day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.