@codyspencer0: Somebody said "hey wanna eat this apple" and I said "no thanks I ate a PC for lunch"
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@djdarrellripley: Hello, I dinged your car. The people watching me leave this note probably think I'm leaving you my name & number. Signed, Guess Who.
@ItsAndyRyan: Satan's greatest trick is convincing you he's not real but there's a quality drop-off after that. No. 2 is pretending his thumb is your nose
@ArchiePeeler: Hostess: It's a 15 minute wait. May I have your name? Me: Baron Von Gerhardt, heir to the throne of Osterburken. Hostess: Me: Write it down.
@tryped: Me: I am sad, we don't have any cookie crumble for my ice cream. Wife: lots of things make me sad, like being married to a giant man baby