@ramenfuneral: somebody sell me a flock of sheep so i can give them cool superhero names like bahman, the green lambtern and wonder woolman
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@emptydahl: Sometimes I wonder about those old mattresses in the alleys, the stories they could tell. The ones about me are lies of course.
@lovemydogduck: Dear Santa, My ex was very naughty this year. But I was very good. So you can just send me all his presents.
@silent_musings: Next time you see someone you don't like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."