@QwertyJones3: Somebody spotted a coyote in my neighborhood a few days ago. But it's cool, cause I just started carrying an anvil around everywhere I go.
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@weinerdog4life: Maybe I have a bunny in my pants, maybe that's why I'm putting this salad in my pockets, you don't know me.
@TheMichaelRock: Today my boss will learn that I am nowhere near mature enough to be left alone with a label maker.
@StarksWeek: You can tell Tim Horton's is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat.